The Jungle of Photographers
After recently joining a few organised tours and jostling with a whole host of different people to get that perfect picture, it struck us that photographers are a curious breed. After observing many a photographer, we realised a few distinct groups, so have shared our descriptions of them below. (This is all just for fun. Please don’t take it personally if you recognise yourself!).
The self obsessed selfie taker
With vanity as their prime motivation the committed selfie taker is usually equipped with a selfie stick, which can be easily spotted up to 3000km away by the naked eye. These newly evolved creatures are constantly jostling for the alpha position within the photography community. Shamelessness is a very strong character trait in these creatures as they can often be found on the same spot, locked in a repetitive selfie pattern on the quest for the perfect picture of themselves. Ironically these creatures go on to filter their perfect selfie to distortion before sharing. It is thought that hours of preparation go on behind the scenes, with this creature often found in front of the mirror for hours each day practicing their selfie face. This creature is slowly taking over the world much like zombies and it is predicted that by 2025 the entire world will be engulfed by them. Coincidentally this is when the world is predicted to end…
The Pano-Maniac
This creature, usually female, swoops in for speed footage shots. Known for their more stealthier attributes within the photography world, they have the ability to take a full panoramic video in under 0.25 seconds and then fly off. New to the world of Pano, this creature treats the camera and the stick much like a sword and can be seen making rapid, rather unnecessary, swiping actions when taking pano videos. Some of these creatures eventually evolve to take panoramic photography properly but, unfortunately, this is a rarity.
The Professionals
These proud creatures are usually seen critiquing the technique of other, lesser photographers, smug in the knowledge that they have already taken the perfect picture.
Recreational habits often include pointing out and making fun of the Pano-Maniacs and then returning to their exclusive circle of fellow professionals to discuss the size of their lenses and the optimum pano speed.
This breed is the most advanced of the species but is prone to catching hipster neurone disease, usually effecting the males often forcing them to grow long beards, wear ridiculous clothing and generally talk loads of rubbish quite loudly. A shame really….
The selfie film makers
Sightings of these is very rare but when spotted, is a most peculiar sight. Whilst a selfie is a cardinal sin in the photography world, these creatures venture into the unknown world of selfie videos for long durations.
It has been theorised that they believe they are making Skype video calls, but further research is required to understand if they are actually aware that they are quite simply filming their faces.
Quite frankly the photography world are too afraid to really explore the truth so this topic has been left as an unknown for now.
My personal opinion is that when this creature cross breeds with the Pano-Maniac to produce a rapid selfie pano, they should be immediately shackled in chains and thrown deep into the ocean…preferably where there is a high concentration of sharks in order to ensure they do not reproduce.
The Eastern Excursioners
These small, petite creatures can often be heard before they are seen. Individually these creatures are non threatening to other photographers but they operate as a pack, usually formed on the tour bus.
Once a pack is formed, the stampede off the tour bus would make any Wilder beast proud, leaving a trail of devastation for other unsuspecting photographers. They didn’t stand a chance…
Stay clear. You have been warned!
The OAPs (old age paparazzi)
It is suspected that these creatures have confused their free bus pass and priority bus seats to be a priority pass to all aspects of life, including that prime photography position, usually reserved for the Professional.
The unassuming nature of these creatures should not be underestimated. The OAPs have been known to use underhand tactics of brut force to get to the front of the queue. Often leaving their victims with bruised ribs.
Upon issue of the bus pass, previously learnt queuing etiquette is fully wiped from their memory and any active queue formations will be hunted out and promptly destroyed. Often equipped with an oversized and underperforming iPad, this ensures that all views are blocked for other photographers, much to their delight.
When this pack meets the Eastern Excursioners, a black hole is created and everything is destroyed in the vicinity. These events often lead to the immediate extinction of other photography species.
The Panicked Picture Taker
This strange creature can be easily identified as the first to break formation, suffering from premature snapping. Photo content is usually meaningless and not considered worthy by most other photographers.
This creature has been known to capture over 1 million meaningless pictures in under 1.5 seconds of exactly the same subject matter with no change in angle, lighting or other techniques often used by other photographers.
The biggest victim of this creature’s work is often the unsuspecting family members on return from their ‘adventures’, who are expected to endure each and every picture, often accompanied with a lengthy story capable of putting a fully grown T-Rex to sleep.
Often unthreatening to other photographers due to its obscure behavioural patterns, this creature mostly carries out its activities in random bursts. Expending a massive amount of energy for very little quality output. The actual point of this creature is yet to be determined.
The True Brit
This creature is at its best when creating a queue formation despite the chaos surrounding them during a photo opportunity. This is a deep routed behavioural trait often provoking hostile behaviour from other photographers, unable to understand this needless line formation, especially the OAPs.
Usually found timidly hiding in the shadows of other photographers, this shy creature only comes out when it’s safe to do so. These creatures are often selfless, satisfied with just one picture before politely retreating to the shadows to allow others to take their own photos. This is when the Brit is at its weakest and are often pounced on by other photographers to take pictures of them. Saying no is not an option for the Brits, who always oblige with a smile on their face.
Recognising the need to evolve due to the more forceful nature of other photographers, this creature is at risk of becoming endangered.
